Thursday, April 29, 2010

sad sad week

Irda Rina K is someone I got to know thru Facebook. A young mother of one.  A boy, a toddler, barely 2 yrs old, ill with cancer, Neuroblastoma. It seems that this is third highest ranking cancer among children.

:(
Little Akif lost his fight yesterday afternoon. I only found out about it last night. And worst, I was actually thinking of visiting, even when I've never even met Irda before. It was not meant to be. I felt so profoundly sad. I somehow could feel the loss myself as I'd been following his progress and at one time he seems to be getting better. Then the cancer came back. I am just not able to comprehend what the parents must be going thru. He died in his mummy's arms, as she hugs him close. Alhamdullilah and innalillah, at the same time, ironic isn't it?! My sister died in her daughter's arms, just the way she wants it, I believe.  Jazidah, our very close family friend, who lost her fight to breast cancer, died surrounded by her loved one (all her 5 children and her husband), the way everyone would want it.

I couldn't sleep last night, I think I even dreamt of Akif with his mum last night! That's how much I was affected by his death.  And to think that since the day my sister died last week - not once had I dreamt about her. I think and I hope, she is happy to be where she is now. No more pain, no more suffering and no worldly (if there's such a word?) worries... She and Akif, in a good place, a better place, I'm sure.

doa' for my mak & abah, my kak na & kak not (jaz, akif and many others)
we'll meet again one day, insya'allah.


Farewell my dear sister

My eldest sister left us at 12.50 am on 20 April 2010.  That day would also had been my late elder sister's birthday who left us in 2000.  Now there's only only 2 of us left, my 3rd sister and me, the youngest of four sisters.

last pic I took, didn't planned this.. was taking pic of ambulance...










her new address.  Sect 21, Shah Alam. Will visit her often.










there's a lovely lovely garden on the other side of her place, you know...
make good visit too.











nothing like a pond full of kois to calm down grieving and hurting hearts










am I morbid to blog like this?




Monday, April 19, 2010

My sister is leaving us.........

My eldest sister is terminally ill.  She has cronic brochinis and 85% of her lungs are gone.  With 15% left, she is highly dependent on oxygen machine.  My bro-in-law bought an air regulator kind of machine that actually takes in air and converts/filters into oxygen for her. This was her every use for the last one year or more but last Saturday, on my youngest girl's birthday, she deteriorates and the machine's capacity doesn't meet her needs anymore.  With her body starving of oxygen, the family called an ambulance and took her to SMC that afternoon.  I raced to Shah Alam on my own (I was out, just starting on my cake deco class, which I forego immediately), go lost when I reached section 19 because there were no signs of the hospital but go there I did with the help of my nephew.  SMC was in sect 20, just next door.

Some parts of the hospital was under renovation, and one of it was the Emergency ward.  The makeship ward was in a couple of 'containers', with a white 'arabian' tent as the waiting room.  And their ICU was FULL ! Wah, ramai orang Shah Alam sakit kuat.... Anyway, since the ER doc says that my sis must be placed in an ICU immediately, the family decided to send her to HKL since its the weekend and IPR (Inst Perubatan Respiratori) at Jln Pahang doesn't accept patients during the weekends.  Off we went to HKL in 2nd ambulance ride for her and my dear niece for the day.  My 3rd sister and me went along in the ambulance. It took us 38 minutes flat to reach HKL, from Shah Alam, via the Federal Highway, Old Klang Road, Pantai Highway, Jalan Bangsar, Jalan Duta, finally Jalan Pahang... in heavy rain, in heavy afternoon Saturday traffic.  My sister who sat in the passenger seat next to the driver, held to dear life all the way..........

But with my sister's 'nothing-that-anyone-can-do-anymore' condition, the docs at HKL refused to put her in the ICU but instead just put her in ordinary word with 51 other patients!  In less than 5 minutes I got to know her new neighbour has been there for 3 days bcos of fever! My dear girl spent her birthday at the hospital, our plans to take her out for grand dinner had to be cancelled.  Poor thing but she understood.  She is 19 years old after all.  A young adult already!  We had a late late birthday supper in Kampung Baru after my sister was warded.

My dearest hubby left for KK on Sunday for a business trip, since Kak is more or less stable even if there's no improvement.  Kak was brought home on Sunday (another ambulance ride), with huge gas cylinders accompanying her.  Each cylinder costs RM400, each refills will cost RM300.  Each cylinder will last 6 hours, in total, it will cost my bro-in-law something like RM1,200.00 per day just for oxygen.  The ambulance cost about RM600 per trip.  But I'm glad that she's out of the 'dormitory' ward anyway. 

This morning, from home, I went straight to Shah Alam to catch her before the ambulance took her to IPR.  I was sending my youngest daughter back to college anyway, and my 2nd daughter was also with us.  She was going back to UiTM, so I brought her along. After the ambulance left, sent No #3 to MSU, then sent No #3 to Subang Jaya KTM station (her bus is at 1.45pm at Bukit Jalil) and I'm off to work.  And today, is my eldest's son first day at work!

So, am I ready to accept the inevitable? NO.
No matter how much to try to prepare oneself, it is so difficult to let go.
I pray, I read the Yasin, I asks for God to forgive her sins, to forgive all our sins, to give her the easiest release when her time comes. I asks for God to not prolong her sufferings, to take her with dignity and that when it is her time, for her to go easily and to place her in Jannah. Dear God, she is tired, she is ready, even if we the family are not ready to let her go....

I love her.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Updates

We had a great time meeting up with a few of us BFFs... at Ina's daughter's wedding.  Jema actually took the trouble to wait for us.  She came with her Ba, all the way from Temerloh and goes back after the kenduri. Its always fun to meet up with old friends, and all of us would be 19 again.  Too bad we were not able to continue at Syim's place, which disappointed Syim cause she was looking forward to it, we all did too but just too bad ! 

My youngest, Aina went off to Miri/Mulu for a camping/climbing trip this time.  Coming back tonite, I'm sure she had a good time there. Mulu is always fantastic. Aina worked for a month or so, at Secret Recipe so that she gets to go for this trip, her pay from that job, paid for the orginal cost of the trip. Mum & Dad gave her some pocket money and also added the extra which she had to pay, cause they couldn't get a sponsor or a sponsor backed out last minute of something like that. Its good when a club has active ppl to run their programs....

One of our very very close family friend is very sick, the big C.  We didn't even know she had it like some 6 years ago, they kept it quite. Now she had a relapse, 2nd relapse in fact. But this time, it has spread to her liver and bones.  Its so sad to see her.  Her mum, our fav aunty, just passed away last year.  We think, she had the relapse bcause she was so sad & depressed by her mum's passing.  But looking at her daughters who were at the hospital when we visited, I felt so sad. She's going to miss a lot.  And them too, am thinking of them, without their mum later on their big day, when they marries, when they have children....

Life seems so unfair sometimes.......